November 22, 1963 - A Date To Be Remembered

Not a day has passed since I was 15, that I have not light a candle to honor President Kennedy. Though I was born in the 1980s, but I share the same memories and grief Americans had back in 1960s. John F. Kennedy was a great leader. He was indeed a politician but he was genuine, witty and charming. He was an optimistic leader and a true patriot at heart and believed that problems could be solved, if one put his country before self. Kennedy has changed my Life like how he did to many Americans. All his dreams ended on the streets of Dallas when those shots rang out. I believe my book 'One Sunny Day In Dallas' will carry a different view on what happened on that fateful day in Dallas.

Kennedy and his wife Jackie traveled to Dallas on a political campaign as a starting point for the 1964's Presidential Elections. While riding in his open limousine on a motorcade through downtown Dallas, the President was struck by bullets which wounded his neck and mortally wounding his skull. The shooting started exactly at 12.29.52 secs (CST) and ended at 12.30.18 secs (CST).

Interesting facts about John F. Kennedy:

1. He was the youngest elected President in US history at age 43.

2. He was the first Roman Catholic in the White House.

3. He sent the world's first weather satellite & communication satellite in order to get weather forecasts and live coverage on TV programs.

4. He sent the first American into Space and vowed that the first man on the Moon would be an American.

5. The color blue, white & teal for the Presidential jet Air Force One were picked by his wife Jackie.

Here are some photos of President Kennedy shortly before his murder;

In Memoriam of John F. Kennedy

While I Cleaned My Room

While cleaning my room, I found something extraordinary. It came to my attention as it was a small piece of paper placed inside my old diary. It’s a note my dearest Friend wrote me 3 years ago.

My Dear Pumpkin,

I’m so sorry for being pain in the ass lately. My medication is getting me nuts. But I gotta thank you for pushing me to go for counseling. It helped me a lot in many ways. I promise I will stop obsessing about my muscles and not over-do sports and my exercises. And wait, I will also make sure I will not leave the dirty laundry on the floor again. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for staying awake while I studied for exams and made me coffee. Your coffee is as addictive as you. Heheks! And yes I hate you! :p

Your Angel,

A.Iskandar

(Jan 19, 2008)

I read this note the following day at 8pm. I found him cold and unconscious on our bed at 6.30am. He was pronounced dead upon arrival at University Hospital, PJ at 7.45am, January 20, 2008. He was just 25 years old.

It has been 3 years since he passed. I’m amazed how much I have changed and moved on with Life. I’m glad I did.

I never knew how much I Love and appreciate my Life ever since. I look forward every moment for a new day in my Life. We all learn. Learning is lifelong process. Nothing lasts forever especially Life. January 20, 2008 changed my Life forever. I remember vividly everything; the rain, the first cigarettes outside the hospital, the first time crying out loud and the police station.

The police asked me, ‘What are you to Him?’ I froze, gasped momentarily and said, ‘Friend’. The police said, ‘Sorry, only immediate family member could sign’. It was the release form to endorse the burial permit.

All of you out there who rant and groan how fucked up Life can be, earn this. Life is indeed fucked up. We can’t expect a Snow White or a Cinderella story. Reality does suck. Even Rain and Lee Hom are not perfect. No one is and nothing is…

Who wants to know what Life is?

Have you been admitted into a mental institution for PTSD? I have!

Have you experienced being robbed and beaten twice? The RM10, 000 you have saved up for your education disappeared in 10 minutes. I have!

Losing the love of your life to death, right in front of you? You and your relationship could not be acknowledged because the society says so. I have!

Have you experienced a moment in Life where you had to walk 20km under scorching heat and hungry because you didn’t have money to go back home or eat? Imagine when your knees went numb, tremble and almost gave up? I have!

Have you experienced a moment where you had to beg for money from some people at the bus stop and they ignore you? I have!

The greatest fear I have with all these experiences is to Plead. I am so scared, to plead to others not to take something away from me or seek help. I don’t know whether it’s a good or bad thing.

All I know is that I do wanna live a longer life, have children and see them grow up. This is the least I could do. For those who suffered and died, it’ll be unfair for me to curl up in my condo, cry and cut myself or even commit suicide due to my traumatizing past.

I’m inspired by many people and I want to inspire people as well. I thank Mom for a gift She gave me. A gift that I believe not many people are privileged of. The ability to read and reason by it. Not gossip magazine or comics but books, online articles, online journals etc. Everything from science to economy, to aircrafts, nations, history, politics, culture, people and nature.

What is it like to be a Queer?

It is indeed obvious that generally people love stereotyping. Not sure who to blame. Culture? or Nature? Yes I Drink, Smoke, I have Tattoo and Piercings. This package comes with a believe that people like me love sleeping around. Which I don't? I went to a gaybar for the first time in Malaysia and I find it annoying. The drinks suck and music sucks. But faggots are like...OMG OMG OMG all over. Haha! Well, it's a choice. And I'm willing to stick with mine. Bet it ain't easy to be openly gay and to love history & politics. And No no, me no fan of Gaga! :p

Coming out wasn't easy either. Dad was autocratically orthodox and mom is firm yet gentle. It was 2004 and I was 19. Dad was always away working. Mom took care of me during my mid-teenage. We had a table talk. Dad chased me out of the house. Mom dumped dad and left home with my youngest brother and my other younger brother chose not to talk to me. We never talked since 2004 till Jan 2011. It was indeed hard for me. But it was alright. I made a choice to come. They could not accept. So, fark it. Positive much! :)

Since the discreet first relationship I had which ended with the death of my bf, made me stronger and to be openly gay. So, now either u accept it or forget it. Being gay is difficult in almost all cultures. It's all in your head on how do you wanna deal with it. Motivation, Hope and Strength come from within. I bet Anderson Cooper had hard time coming out too. :)

Anyway, I have a large number of straight guy friends who are more gay than I am. But their gfs are smokin' hawt bitches! :D

To all gays people out there. STOP craving for Love and sleeping around. Have some dignity. Being gay is not all about alcohol parties or having sex around. Come lets spread Love. Help the needy. Help in PT Foundation. Let stop AIDS!

Chills Run Down My Spine!

I am in LOVE! But how do to say...hmm...He is the best thing since Prozac. LOLs...He reminds me of Nickelback's Far Away...Though He is far away from where I am right now....BUT one thing i certain; as long as we have each other. I don't need a man to tell me 'I love you' every second. As long as He and I know that we love each other....and thats good enough. I am ready to do anything for him...I wished He could read and understand what I am crappin' ova here...Love isn't all about sex! Makin' Love is the best to describe an intimacy between couple. BUT hey, I too am really good on bed! LOLs. We talk almost everyday and it's beautiful that we learn a lot from each other. The Irony is that I should not fall in love with him. And that was the pact made since the beginning. I'm not sure whether I should say sorry to him, to have fallen in love with him?? I had messed up relationships, especially the current ex BUT this is a chance to try. I don't know this is right or wrong...BUT fuck it! Lets just give it a try! LOLs....

Love is blind? I would say, 'Love is unconscious'. I didn't realize that I fell for him...I ain't sure on what to do right now. I'm just a little scared. I can't afford to lose him. He is too precious! More than anything in this world. He may think that I am like other guys he meet, and I am not sure how to make myself significant to him. All I could do is to be myself....at all times with him. I need him! So badly! Not only for those times when I'm down...BUT also when I'm happy! I wish to marry him :)


A nite ago around 3am...I looked up my bed into the skies and I saw hundreds or probably thousands of stars! It was the MOST beautiful thing I ever saw! Words can't describe how I feel for Nature. And He came in mind. He? A friend of mine....BUT I look at him more than a friend. He is as lonely as I am. He is as insecure as I am. He is as scared as I am....Thats because we had plight moments in life before and We did learn from our mistakes. Relationships sustain only when couples accepts each others' flaws, respect each other. (P.S: Mutual Respect between each other is more important than anything).....and Damn, I love milk chocolates!! :p

'You're the sky that I fell thru....And I remember the view whenever I'm holding you....The sun hung from a string...Lookin' down on the world as it warms over everything....Chills run down my spine. As our fingers entwine and your sighs harmonize with mine'....

I don't need a guy with a fat wallet! All I need is guy with brains...And a person who can appreciate the finer things in life and be in touch with reality....To accept me just the way I am. Love me even by seeing my flaws. The beauty of Beauty is being flawed! Well, with an awesome butt! ;p

I know that you are a weary realist, but chance is vital. You should give yourself a chance. You would think that you're not good enough for someone, but you do know how sweet you can be to that someone and how special can you be.

(And so what if I am short?? LOLs)

Iron!

For the past years, I had seen women remarkably succeeding in the arenas like politics, sports and business. Being gay and also a feminist gives a wider perspective on civil rights. Women had been discriminated since stone age! Most of my idols are women. I call them Iron, which includes my dearest mother. This post is to commemorate those women who stood up during the difficult time in history. And their stories changed the world.... To all straight men out there, let me tell you something: 'Women are not toys! Those who say that women should not succeed could come and kiss my cute brown ass!!' ;)


Diana Spencer was the true Fairytale Princess who came in reality. Whoever touches one's heart will live forever. Diana touched millions! Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire. Diana saved millions.



Dr. Angela D. Merkel became the first woman Chancellor of Germany in 2005. She is the most Powerful person in Europe and the 1st most Powerful woman in the World.



Rosa Parks triggered the intensity of the civil rights movement among the Black communities in the United States during the tumultuous era of the late 1950s and 1960s. She was arrested for not giving up her seat to a White woman while she was on her way back home after work.



Eleanor Roosevelt, former First Lady of the United States from 1933 to 1945 was the Chairman for the Women's Right for the United Nations, but resigned her post in 1948 when the organization refused to admit a Black woman into the committee. Roosevelt was also the key framer of the United Nations' Universal Declaration of Human Rights. While her handicap husband was busy with his work at the White House, she traveled around the world on his behalf.



Indira Priyadarshini Gandhi was the first woman Prime Minister of India. She was called the 'Iron Lady of Asia' . She was the Prime Minister from 1966 to 1971 then from 1980 to her death in 1984. It was the period when women were beaten, abused, raped by their beastly husbands, fathers etc. Female infants were poisoned to death upon births because in India, women are considered 'burden'


Hillary Rodham Clinton is to-date, the most politically active First Lady of the United States. She served as First Lady from 1993 to 2001. From 2001 to 2009, she served as a Senator from New York. She ran for President in 2008, but lost the Democratic nomination to Barack Obama. But that wasn't the end for her. She is now serving as the US Secretary of State under the Obama Administration.

'Mein Kampf'

Don't get me wrong with the title of the post. It has nothing to do with Hitler and his fucked up book. LOL....Few days ago, my first ex bf's best friend said something he should have not said. Something that Anuar told him before he died. He said, 'Anuar had always wanted to tell you that he was sick, BUT you never gave him a chance'....'It was always about you, talking about yourself...all the time'....'Anuar loved you so madly and a picture of you was found on his bed when he was found dead'....

I am an idiot....I am selfish...and not knowing that...I'm sure that my friends know that...but they are too afraid to tell me off. They do not want me to get hurt or misinterpret things. I have to get out of 'my safe zone'. People want to listen those things they wanted to listen....I am one of 'em. This ain't productive...

It's time for change.... ;)




For the past weeks, I have been busy with my work. Working in my own campus holds a great deal. Most UTAR students complain about their campus and the administration. I WAS one of the them. People always say; 'Malaysian politics is fucked up'...Shall we ask, 'which country's politic ain't corrupted?'....Other countries like Thailand, Philippines, Indonesia, Myanmar, India, Pakistan and even the 'great' United States of America are all absolutely shattered by political corruption. President Nixon destroyed his political life through a corruption, making him the first ever US President to resign in the nation's history. We are much safer in Malaysia than those countries I mentioned above.




I learned a lot in UTAR. Being part of the administration earned me a reputation that I never had. People see me in different way now. As an intern, working in UTAR gained me experience and some other benefits. Especially on accumulating the Soft Skills points easily. Next semester, when I join the seminars, I would be able to get discounts and free entry plus the points and learned the importance of Soft Skills. I build good rapport and bond with tonnes of people. I love meeting new people. And especially meeting new cute boys.... ;p




I am so much in love with those straight boys I see....checking them out gives a different feeling....and I would stay away if eventually I find out that one of them is gay...LOL...It's nice to see guys with clothes on than clothes off...hahahaha! Having little peeks of their body parts is better than seeing them buck naked! :s






I don't know what's up with me and boys who are really tall with glasses....LOL....Gao gao de! Dai yan jing! A newly developed fetish I could say. But both my ex bf's were really tall and those who wore glasses....Love those geeky looking guys....LOLs....

Busy Weeks!! :s

Been real busy with work lately! And I feel like I have no life...since I work from Monday to Sunday...like what the fuck!! And working in a fucked up place make those issues I battle with myself worse! I just have another 11 weeks to go. I hope nothing bad happens. I have been a prisoner to the society...It hurts real bad when I can't express myself and be myself. I live in the setting where I lie to myself so much...I don't know what to do. Being 'stuck' make me go crazy and I cannot my emotions anymore. I am strong and still rely on hope... ;)