While cleaning my room, I found something extraordinary. It came to my attention as it was a small piece of paper placed inside my old diary. It’s a note my dearest Friend wrote me 3 years ago.
My Dear Pumpkin,
I’m so sorry for being pain in the ass lately. My medication is getting me nuts. But I gotta thank you for pushing me to go for counseling. It helped me a lot in many ways. I promise I will stop obsessing about my muscles and not over-do sports and my exercises. And wait, I will also make sure I will not leave the dirty laundry on the floor again. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for staying awake while I studied for exams and made me coffee. Your coffee is as addictive as you. Heheks! And yes I hate you! :p
Your Angel,
A.Iskandar
(Jan 19, 2008)
I read this note the following day at 8pm. I found him cold and unconscious on our bed at 6.30am. He was pronounced dead upon arrival at University Hospital, PJ at 7.45am, January 20, 2008. He was just 25 years old.
It has been 3 years since he passed. I’m amazed how much I have changed and moved on with Life. I’m glad I did.
I never knew how much I Love and appreciate my Life ever since. I look forward every moment for a new day in my Life. We all learn. Learning is lifelong process. Nothing lasts forever especially Life. January 20, 2008 changed my Life forever. I remember vividly everything; the rain, the first cigarettes outside the hospital, the first time crying out loud and the police station.
The police asked me, ‘What are you to Him?’ I froze, gasped momentarily and said, ‘Friend’. The police said, ‘Sorry, only immediate family member could sign’. It was the release form to endorse the burial permit.
All of you out there who rant and groan how fucked up Life can be, earn this. Life is indeed fucked up. We can’t expect a Snow White or a Cinderella story. Reality does suck. Even Rain and Lee Hom are not perfect. No one is and nothing is…
Who wants to know what Life is?
Have you been admitted into a mental institution for PTSD? I have!
Have you experienced being robbed and beaten twice? The RM10, 000 you have saved up for your education disappeared in 10 minutes. I have!
Losing the love of your life to death, right in front of you? You and your relationship could not be acknowledged because the society says so. I have!
Have you experienced a moment in Life where you had to walk 20km under scorching heat and hungry because you didn’t have money to go back home or eat? Imagine when your knees went numb, tremble and almost gave up? I have!
Have you experienced a moment where you had to beg for money from some people at the bus stop and they ignore you? I have!
The greatest fear I have with all these experiences is to Plead. I am so scared, to plead to others not to take something away from me or seek help. I don’t know whether it’s a good or bad thing.
All I know is that I do wanna live a longer life, have children and see them grow up. This is the least I could do. For those who suffered and died, it’ll be unfair for me to curl up in my condo, cry and cut myself or even commit suicide due to my traumatizing past.
I’m inspired by many people and I want to inspire people as well. I thank Mom for a gift She gave me. A gift that I believe not many people are privileged of. The ability to read and reason by it. Not gossip magazine or comics but books, online articles, online journals etc. Everything from science to economy, to aircrafts, nations, history, politics, culture, people and nature.
2 comments:
inspiring,thanks, it just enlightened me on something
hey there sugar! thanks. This is not to make me a saint but to share my experience to people around and to tell them that mistakes and disasters always occur as long as we live. =)
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