Chills Run Down My Spine!

I am in LOVE! But how do to say...hmm...He is the best thing since Prozac. LOLs...He reminds me of Nickelback's Far Away...Though He is far away from where I am right now....BUT one thing i certain; as long as we have each other. I don't need a man to tell me 'I love you' every second. As long as He and I know that we love each other....and thats good enough. I am ready to do anything for him...I wished He could read and understand what I am crappin' ova here...Love isn't all about sex! Makin' Love is the best to describe an intimacy between couple. BUT hey, I too am really good on bed! LOLs. We talk almost everyday and it's beautiful that we learn a lot from each other. The Irony is that I should not fall in love with him. And that was the pact made since the beginning. I'm not sure whether I should say sorry to him, to have fallen in love with him?? I had messed up relationships, especially the current ex BUT this is a chance to try. I don't know this is right or wrong...BUT fuck it! Lets just give it a try! LOLs....

Love is blind? I would say, 'Love is unconscious'. I didn't realize that I fell for him...I ain't sure on what to do right now. I'm just a little scared. I can't afford to lose him. He is too precious! More than anything in this world. He may think that I am like other guys he meet, and I am not sure how to make myself significant to him. All I could do is to be myself....at all times with him. I need him! So badly! Not only for those times when I'm down...BUT also when I'm happy! I wish to marry him :)


A nite ago around 3am...I looked up my bed into the skies and I saw hundreds or probably thousands of stars! It was the MOST beautiful thing I ever saw! Words can't describe how I feel for Nature. And He came in mind. He? A friend of mine....BUT I look at him more than a friend. He is as lonely as I am. He is as insecure as I am. He is as scared as I am....Thats because we had plight moments in life before and We did learn from our mistakes. Relationships sustain only when couples accepts each others' flaws, respect each other. (P.S: Mutual Respect between each other is more important than anything).....and Damn, I love milk chocolates!! :p

'You're the sky that I fell thru....And I remember the view whenever I'm holding you....The sun hung from a string...Lookin' down on the world as it warms over everything....Chills run down my spine. As our fingers entwine and your sighs harmonize with mine'....

I don't need a guy with a fat wallet! All I need is guy with brains...And a person who can appreciate the finer things in life and be in touch with reality....To accept me just the way I am. Love me even by seeing my flaws. The beauty of Beauty is being flawed! Well, with an awesome butt! ;p

I know that you are a weary realist, but chance is vital. You should give yourself a chance. You would think that you're not good enough for someone, but you do know how sweet you can be to that someone and how special can you be.

(And so what if I am short?? LOLs)

Iron!

For the past years, I had seen women remarkably succeeding in the arenas like politics, sports and business. Being gay and also a feminist gives a wider perspective on civil rights. Women had been discriminated since stone age! Most of my idols are women. I call them Iron, which includes my dearest mother. This post is to commemorate those women who stood up during the difficult time in history. And their stories changed the world.... To all straight men out there, let me tell you something: 'Women are not toys! Those who say that women should not succeed could come and kiss my cute brown ass!!' ;)


Diana Spencer was the true Fairytale Princess who came in reality. Whoever touches one's heart will live forever. Diana touched millions! Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire. Diana saved millions.



Dr. Angela D. Merkel became the first woman Chancellor of Germany in 2005. She is the most Powerful person in Europe and the 1st most Powerful woman in the World.



Rosa Parks triggered the intensity of the civil rights movement among the Black communities in the United States during the tumultuous era of the late 1950s and 1960s. She was arrested for not giving up her seat to a White woman while she was on her way back home after work.



Eleanor Roosevelt, former First Lady of the United States from 1933 to 1945 was the Chairman for the Women's Right for the United Nations, but resigned her post in 1948 when the organization refused to admit a Black woman into the committee. Roosevelt was also the key framer of the United Nations' Universal Declaration of Human Rights. While her handicap husband was busy with his work at the White House, she traveled around the world on his behalf.



Indira Priyadarshini Gandhi was the first woman Prime Minister of India. She was called the 'Iron Lady of Asia' . She was the Prime Minister from 1966 to 1971 then from 1980 to her death in 1984. It was the period when women were beaten, abused, raped by their beastly husbands, fathers etc. Female infants were poisoned to death upon births because in India, women are considered 'burden'


Hillary Rodham Clinton is to-date, the most politically active First Lady of the United States. She served as First Lady from 1993 to 2001. From 2001 to 2009, she served as a Senator from New York. She ran for President in 2008, but lost the Democratic nomination to Barack Obama. But that wasn't the end for her. She is now serving as the US Secretary of State under the Obama Administration.

'Mein Kampf'

Don't get me wrong with the title of the post. It has nothing to do with Hitler and his fucked up book. LOL....Few days ago, my first ex bf's best friend said something he should have not said. Something that Anuar told him before he died. He said, 'Anuar had always wanted to tell you that he was sick, BUT you never gave him a chance'....'It was always about you, talking about yourself...all the time'....'Anuar loved you so madly and a picture of you was found on his bed when he was found dead'....

I am an idiot....I am selfish...and not knowing that...I'm sure that my friends know that...but they are too afraid to tell me off. They do not want me to get hurt or misinterpret things. I have to get out of 'my safe zone'. People want to listen those things they wanted to listen....I am one of 'em. This ain't productive...

It's time for change.... ;)




For the past weeks, I have been busy with my work. Working in my own campus holds a great deal. Most UTAR students complain about their campus and the administration. I WAS one of the them. People always say; 'Malaysian politics is fucked up'...Shall we ask, 'which country's politic ain't corrupted?'....Other countries like Thailand, Philippines, Indonesia, Myanmar, India, Pakistan and even the 'great' United States of America are all absolutely shattered by political corruption. President Nixon destroyed his political life through a corruption, making him the first ever US President to resign in the nation's history. We are much safer in Malaysia than those countries I mentioned above.




I learned a lot in UTAR. Being part of the administration earned me a reputation that I never had. People see me in different way now. As an intern, working in UTAR gained me experience and some other benefits. Especially on accumulating the Soft Skills points easily. Next semester, when I join the seminars, I would be able to get discounts and free entry plus the points and learned the importance of Soft Skills. I build good rapport and bond with tonnes of people. I love meeting new people. And especially meeting new cute boys.... ;p




I am so much in love with those straight boys I see....checking them out gives a different feeling....and I would stay away if eventually I find out that one of them is gay...LOL...It's nice to see guys with clothes on than clothes off...hahahaha! Having little peeks of their body parts is better than seeing them buck naked! :s






I don't know what's up with me and boys who are really tall with glasses....LOL....Gao gao de! Dai yan jing! A newly developed fetish I could say. But both my ex bf's were really tall and those who wore glasses....Love those geeky looking guys....LOLs....

Busy Weeks!! :s

Been real busy with work lately! And I feel like I have no life...since I work from Monday to Sunday...like what the fuck!! And working in a fucked up place make those issues I battle with myself worse! I just have another 11 weeks to go. I hope nothing bad happens. I have been a prisoner to the society...It hurts real bad when I can't express myself and be myself. I live in the setting where I lie to myself so much...I don't know what to do. Being 'stuck' make me go crazy and I cannot my emotions anymore. I am strong and still rely on hope... ;)

When???

Life sucks! Love hurts! But both life and love are beautiful!! hehe! I love my life! All I need is time...Time to heal and time to be myself with the man I want...Not sure when, but the time will come. ;)

New Light

There is a new light in my life now. I was in the wilderness for a moment. I was too afraid, insecure and worried to death about my life. Life is really complicated and being gay is even more complicated. I do not know what I want. Whether he is a man? or a boy? I have no idea. I do not know whether I will be with him for 1 year or 3 years or 10 years. But I could try. Life is all about trying new things. Though gay people know that eventually they would break up, then why get into relationships? Strange! We all have innate urges and certain forces that can't be explain. Just like Love which is the force of nature. I had Anuar for 3 years but eventually broke up, then Kenny for 1.3 years and broke up. Sigh. I hope things go well now for me and my little baby boy. I really would like to know him more. It would take a long period of time. Just let time and nature decide for us both.

Regards,

Joaquin missing his Sweet Apple Pie ;)

Blasting Silvester 2010!

New Year is called Silvester in Deutsch (German), and I had a blasting one!! It was also a farewell to my little Nippon brother Kazuma Abe. He flies to Narita on January 4th, 2010 completing his one year stay in Malaysia. Hope he learned something while he stayed here especially on how people live lives in other parts of the world, culture, religion etc.

Kazuma as usual, a little drunk over there with Michaela

A Christmas without Snow

As how Michaela described, as 'Christmas without Snow'. We're in Malaysia and we never had snow. So, she said that it is weird to celebrate Christmas in summer heat! Haha! Christmas was fun! Had blasting party with my exchange students especially with silly Kazuma Abe. ;)



Kazuma did his first sushi in his life! Well, I tasted not that bad though he had some smackings from my mom while doing them...haha!



Okay, this is not what you think! I am asleep even before I drank that wine. Kazuma posed the wine bottle next to me. I'm innocent! ;)




Asahi! A Japanese branded beer, was a Christmas gift from Kazuma to me. We had so much of it in Cambodia and got a little drunk! Haha! It was just USD1 in Cambodia per can. But the bottle is more expensive here in Malaysia.